Blog 20 – where do I begin (or end)
It’s been really busy of late (have you noticed I’m using the word ‘really’ quite a bit lately - really! I hear you chorus – I must think of another word - note to oneself - STOP USING ‘REALLY’ SO MUCH).
I suppose that the cruise must be the first port of call (geddit) much to describe the beauty and majesty of the fjords would take a scribbler much better than me. But having always shrunk from a challenge I’m going to give it a try.
Let’s start with the fact that having seen one fjord you’ve probably seen them all – fantastic mountains, craggy, grey rock with white veins running through reflect the sunlight making the mountains almost glow. And the really (that word again) amazing thing is the number of waterfalls. Flipping loads. When on tours in the past while on holidays, as a tourist attraction waterfalls hit the spot. They are loud, the sound of crashing water over rocks (vodka martini – crashing over ice) the defused sunlight throwing up sparkles of silver and gold, the much hoped for ‘rainbow’ with all the primary colours getting the brits wishing for the pot of gold and all the Irish holding onto their wallets for dear life, but most of all the noise. The sound of tons and tons of melted ice (better known as water) cascading over rocks only to be pushed on to appear in the open, gliding down the face of whichever mountain you’re visiting, to end up as a crumpled mess of very wet water in a lake, pond or pool. And the sensation of ice cold spray hitting your face, like pins of ice, invigorating, sensual, wet and b….y cold so that it almost freezes the tip of your nose off. You can tell people who have braved the spray because although their faces appear dry they have wet hankies in the hands and their clothes are drenched. Ergo - when you visit the mountains always – I repeat ‘always’ carry with you the following safety equipment – camera (not so much safety equipment but you’ll need photographic evidence of the perpetrator ) raincoat or water proof jacket ( don’t be one of these divs who wear waterproof jackets and come off the mountains with soggy trousers or worse still soaked jeans) , non-slip wellies (something to gather a sample of water from the falls) a glass to test the freshness and divine flavour, bouquet and numbing effect due to cold on your tonsils, a friend (never trust a relative in a dangerous situation such as this) to drag you from the lake’s edge before you feel the need for some open water swimming (we had to restrain no.1 daughter from partaking of her latest hobby, when she saw all the lakes) but to ensure complete safety buy a postcard explaining why you couldn’t actually see the waterfalls for H & S reasons. (that bit was humour for those who weren’t sure).
Kidding aside, the mountains and waterfalls are amongst the most beautiful sights to be seen. Let me recount my very first look at Norway. It was in March last year on our long awaited ‘Northern Lights’ cruise. We were due to dock early(ish) one morning, as usual I had been unable to sleep so had sat in the chair reading, doing puzzles, watching tv and getting generally bored. The sun was about to rise according to the pamphlet given to passengers, so I thought I’d like to see this happen. I grabbed the curtains and drew them open. The view was of the mountainsides stretching from the fjord up to the heavens in the grey and white mix of rock and snow with just enough light to see to the top – it was totally unbelievable – the sheer beauty literally took my breath away and again literally made the hairs on the back of my neck stand – a most unusual sensation but a confirmation that there is always something to stimulate and satisfy the senses.
All this fantastic beauty crashes into the already mentioned lake, ponds and pools, but where the lakes (better known as fjords to the Norwegians) lay peaceful amongst this horizon to horizon landscape of beauty and joy, peaceful as to be so calm and ripple free that the fjord surface acts as a mirror giving an exact reflection of the mountains – a truly amazing picture. I could go on about the mountains for hours but suffice it to say that having seen the beauty of snow covered Norway and the beauty of un-snow covered Norway, the best option I can offer is see both – you won’t be disappointed.
All that said I have to report to HQ in Fairynuff City, of a potential threat to civilization as we know it emanating from the above described region of the world. I’m sorry to say that in the darkest recesses of this beautiful and magnificent country lies a threat unprecedented in our time. The threat according to our sources in the region stretch back to the beginning of time before our species existed. According to legend the claim this ancient race made was that ‘first come – first served’ implying that our citizens residing not only in the Nordic region of our planet but those all over must be prepared for their claim to their rightful place in society.
The governing body of Fairynuff City met in a highly secret meeting (last Thursday, City Hall, 10.00am, main conference room, card invite only) to thrash out a policy of integration between all parties. The ‘Norwegian Curse’ as they are called by the local current inhabitants or the ‘Norwegian Collective’, as they themselves wish to be known, are recorded in recently discovered documents under the generic name of ‘Trolls’.
Although the term is disliked and even despised by the group, the name Trolls seems to have caught the world’s imagination and has become one of the words which the world as a whole has adopted making the Trolls one of the most famous races.
The secret meeting (together with the Trolls on zoom) elected that integration is important and that Norway would take the lead and devote areas of their country to the Trolls.
The Trolls for their part have pledged to construct an area IN the mountains where they can live. The plans for the construction are to be submitted to the HQ offices by the New Year, it was announced late yesterday afternoon. The Troll leadership were delighted with the outcome of the meeting and the request for plans has taken a priority over all expansion works currently in place.
The designated leader of the colony said at a news briefing that his task would be a major step towards a brighter future and as with all future events it will ‘start tomorrow’
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