Difficult this one, for such an evocative subject because we all know true love manifests it’s face in thousands of different ways, each way diverse from each individuals aspirations and expectations.
Bit of a bland statement but to me the word love has meant so many varying items, topics and people. With items there is also the age thing to take into account. The young have got the advantage of a ‘clean and clear’ heart, unsullied by anything other than a desire to be wanted and treasured. For the most part children are wanted, seen by the parent or parents as a pure reflection of what dedication to another being should be, uncomplicated and unending. Of course dependency does a lot to assist these feelings, which in a few cases turns a bit sour once the need of one for the other diminishes, and factorx like age and ‘outside’ distractions look over the garden wall drawing the one away from the other one.
When the parent/dependency thing changes the least mature of those tend to draw towards material objects that appear to fulfil any desire or the feeling becomes introspective with subject craving the ‘love’ and attention of others. The need to be loved can reach such peaks that the brain appears to go into overdrive and ‘love’ is spread about like leaves in autumn. This is usually the time when two leaves seem to match and a bond is created. In these situations the bond is either everlasting or just comes unstuck despite to will to remain ‘as one’.
Wherever you put yourself there is one bond that has the strength of thousands and the fragility of of gossamer: let’s call it True Love.
I first fell into ‘true love’ in my teens and despite every endeavour to sustain the well-trodden path of mutual respect required to maintain a long relationship, time proved that this particular person was not the ‘one’.
The finding of a true soul mate must be very crooked as without the ability to see round corners or predict the future, striking the right place, time and opportunity must have odds of millions upon millions of happening.
In the story of my finding my one love stretched back until I can remember. The opportunity arose because every major decision I made or was made for me from the age of 10 was planned, manipulated and diverted towards my meeting the one. What a load of cobblers you would be entitled to say but let me recount the timeline to quote current phraseology to not prove the point but to confirm that there are things beyond our understanding shifting the paths of our lives to one momentous occasion that sets us in our position according to the fates, where we belong.
As a ten year old in the sixties I went to a normal state school receiving an education which to be fair has lasted me till now. This was the era of the 11plus examinations, which in themselves are as life changing as any major event in later life. The11 plus decided whether the young person involved was of sufficient intelligence to advance to what was classed as one of the top ten percent of educational facilities, thereby almost automatically placing the young person a step or more above the average pupil and offering better prospects for the future. So as you can tell an important bridge to cross if one was to become one of the mini high-flyers of the early sixties.
Guess what – I failed. Step 1 – the fates said no to the this result, and that the little oick was to sit in while a parent/teacher was had. The meeting confirmed that the class teacher/s wanted me to re-sit the exam so as to achieve my true potential. The class teacher was what I have since recognised as a truly devoted and inspirational man. Unfortunately meeting people who have truly influenced your life seem at the time to be almost insignificant, but whatever I would do with the rest of my life this man was supreme in starting me on the right track to genuine happiness. The gentleman concerned was either called ‘Sir’ or Mr. Jones who if I remember correctly was from Wales and had a deadly eye when it came to throwing chalk sticks at pupils if the situation demanded. Wish 1 – the desire to have known him better. So I sat the exam again, and on this occasion must have concentrated because I managed to pass – the fates got what they wanted -part 2.
Part 2 success could also have strayed the unaware from the path. Why? Once the exam had been passed the decision came about as to which school I would like to attend places permitting. At that time there were three schools which were targeted by local. Number 1 on the list - West Hatch School – a shortish school bus ride, but thought to be the best school in its class in the area
No.2 – Wiliam Morris Technical School- situated in the east end of London -WalthamstowE17 three quarters of an hour each way from home on the school bus. another good school but the journey.
No.3 – McKentie Technical School- again situated in east London, sharing a school bus.
Again the fates spotted the potential disruption to their plot and stopped me attending nos.1 &3 school, electing my journey was to continue along the William Morris route. Reflection almost called out that this six year period would not affect the now corrected path. But although no (apparent) major events occurred the process of adolescence took charge with the growth of maturity and the need to befriend members of the opposite sex were in control. Looking back it feels strange that it was the friends out of school that appeared to influence the future, by means of youth clubs. With the majority of school friends living in or close to the east end, socialising with them was very time consuming and costly, so I got involved more with the pupils from the same area as me, all mainly from the school bus. As I got to know them and eventually reaching the senior years would go to local youth clubs and form a band of friends. The one huge disappointment was that I let my personal life encroach on school work, again hind-sight being what it is, shows up this as being in the overall scheme making sure I didn’t deviate – couldn’t see it then – can see it now. Should I have achieved my ‘potential’ in school the prospect of further education could have taken me from the area possibly to anywhere in the country, away and well clear of the path. My average results gave me the predicament of ‘what are you going to do?’ I had plans leading up to the exams of joining the RAF, and at one time thoughts of the RAAF and emigrating to Australia dominated my choices. To gain either opportunity would mean revising and re-sitting the required exams to attain the minimum needed for the job. To be blunt I was self possessed and thought I knew better, and (why I don’t honestly remember), I think I just suddenly told people I would be leaving school at Christmas that year. Like the idiot I am I did just that. So burke that I am I left with 4 GSEs in Maths, English Lan., Physics and Chemistry, major if they were used properly, so what did I do – that’s right – nothing.
How was this going to affect my path, there are expressions about trusting to fate.
Over the next 12-18months a had a few jobs, no great shakes, My mum got me a job in a delicatessen as a trainee manager, I left, Trainee jewellery shop manager, 6 weeks - I left, Household remover, 2 years I left.
During this time I learnt to drive, and met and courted my first wife (important influence)
To be honest I was just strolling along with no great ambition, working pay packet to pay packet, going out with friends, just an early twenties twat. My frustration must have showed as my mum told me one day that she had been speaking to my dad (they had been separated for a number of years, so this was something big), (fates again). Mum said that Dad had an opportunity open at his place of work for a sales rep. Dad lived on the south coast and his place of work was in Horsham in Sussex, while his area covered the South-East of England. This was good for two main reasons, car, with the job and chance at a bit of a career with prospects, which made my future ex happy.
Dad arranged for me to have an interview for the post, one that would take me further south than I already was. Did the fates know what g they were doing? Of course you soppy beggar.
I went to the interview with a Mr Eddie Tyler, a short dynamo of a man, who smoked large cigars and came over with a forceful and determined personality, dedicated to his job and the well being of his company. After much chat about the work, Mr. Tyler explained that he would not be giving me the position of sales rep.- the firm called them – D.E. – District Engineers, with my dad as he didn’t believe that father could or should work together with son. Secondly, my lack of experience. Over the years I had been to ‘work’ with my dad when he took me to the head office works, which in the early years was his place of work, out on a couple of sites as I recall, so I had a flavour of what was involved. To make up for this lack Mr. Tyler suggested working ‘on the spanners’ for six months and see what happened. As an aside that six months turned into about 18 months but has given me 50years of almost continuous work, well into my retirement years and although never wealthy we worked hard, in all aspects, and have had a decent quality of life.
Mr Tyler, good to his word called me back to his office and offered me a position on six months trial, taking over from the existing DE a chap named Bill Webber, a 25 year man who was up for retirement, his area -The Midlands!
Fate does move in strange ways, a series of ‘what ifs?’, and if I look back and have done on a number of occasions, I cannot see how I would never have got to the midlands.
After six months the post became mine. During the trial period I had accommodation in Birmingham and in advance of the job being offered I purchased a house in not the best district in Birmingham but affordable with a second part time job
After a year or two the job didn’t pan out in the way I would have liked and the time came to part company and try it on my own. I went into ‘partnership’ with a local business which didn’t work out, things were desperate. So with support (financial) from my parents of four hundred pounds I contacted a former customer a DOE PSA engineer asking if the work I had quoted for my old company has been carried out.’No.do you want to give me a quote?’
We went through the process and I got awarded the work worth about fifteen hundred pounds, and started almost straight away. Half way through the work the engineer asked his colleague in the desk opposite ‘any work for Alan?’ he said yes and that began six years of work for DOE throughout the midlands.
During that time I became a parent three times, we moved from Birmingham to a large house in Tamworth and eventually moved the business to Tamworth also. There was no valid reason for moving to Tamworth, no relatives, no friends, no work incentives, just that we saw a house that looking back was huge, but must have been what we wanted, so we upped stakes and moved to Staffordshire
Working from Tamworth worked out for a while but declined to the state where we had to sell the big house and bought a semi in a village down the road, a couple of miles. Still working in the same way my ex had a fuchsia nursery to work with.
My ex was a girl guide when we met, and when we moved to the semi she fancied taking it up again, but obviously as a guide leader. She was a practical person suited to guiding and I would not dream of refusing.
Fate was certainly pushing open the final door, as when she asked if I wanted to go to some function, I can’t really recall what, only that it was at Wilnecote church. Being the dutiful husband, I said yes, and we went.
Walking into the church my ex pointed into the crowd and said something to the effect that was going to change my whole life:
‘That’s Lyn’
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